When its time to accept that he’s just not that into you

 

We have all been there. You meet a boy you actually like, you start texting all day every day, meeting up regularly  and then all of a sudden, they start taking longer than usual to reply and when they eventually do, their replies are short and uninteresting and they always seem to be “busy”.

Que major panic! Desperate texts to your bestie asking for their advice, checking your phone every two minutes to see if they’ve replied (they haven’t) and generally a transformation into an actual crazy person.

Over the last two weeks this has been me. I’ve gone from a sane, cool, independent girl and turned into an insane, paranoid mess who cannot focus, eat properly or even sleep right, all because of a guy.  

I met him on my recent skiing holiday. He and a group of friends were staying in the same hotel, on the same floor as me and my friend G and we all hit it off. Whilst I was getting with him, G was getting with his friend and it was all an added bonus to an already amazing holiday with one of my best friends.  

I didn’t expect it to carry on post-holiday, he lived 50 mins away which is kind of far, but he text me every day and we met up several times in those first few weeks and he even stayed over on my birthday and had dinner with my family.

Now to me, and everyone else, this is the beginning of a cute relationship, right? Apparently not…

After a while, even though we were still texting every day, he was taking longer to reply, sometimes hours. Compare this to a few weeks before, when he would tell me when there was a reason why he might not be able to reply and even double text when I didn’t reply for a while…strange.

He also seemed to always be too busy to hang out and no longer suggested we should do something together. Something was definitely up and I was becoming increasingly paranoid and sending many, whiney texts to by friends, basically all some variation of “why isn’t he texting me???”, “What have I done wrong???”, “WHY DOESN’T HE LIKE ME ANYMORE?!?”

why don't you love m e

I’m sure you’re thinking “jeez this girl needs to calm it down!” which is exactly what my friends were saying. Yes it was odd but there was a logical explanation for it. Stop being crazy.

Despite their reassuring words though, rather than calm me down, I actually got worse. I couldn’t focus on anything whilst I was waiting for a reply, I couldn’t eat because I felt too nervous and sick and I couldn’t sleep at night because my brain was racing with reasons why he no longer liked me. It didn’t help that things were going so well between G and her now bf. Why hadn’t my holiday romance turned out as well as hers?!

The other day it finally got too much. We’d been planning to go out sometime this week so after a good hour of texting nonstop I asked if Tuesday or Wednesday would be better for our date.

And then I waited…and waited…and heard nothing. This resulted in an entire day of checking my phone and generally becoming a terrible, anxious mess before my friend declared I was done with this rude, idiotic boy . Yes. I was done.

Three days later…still no reply. But I was done…I deserve better. Someone who doesn’t cause me to have serious anxiety and a loss of appetite because they haven’t text me back (although the looseness of my clothes was definitely an added perk).

I just couldn’t let it go though. Encouraged by another friend, I basically text him asking why he hadn’t replied and what was going on with “us”.

He replied almost instantly saying he hadn’t received my message, he was still interested but doesn’t really want a relationship right now and didn’t think I did either because I am going to Australia in 5 month’s time.

Whilst the whole ignoring me thing was largely all in my head, it was a bit of a wakeup call. I am basically having a mental break down over a guy who just see this as a causal relationship which is so stupid. If it was one my friends going through this, I would give her a slap round the face and tell her to stop being so bloody ridiculous.

 

So that’s what I’m doing. I can’t take the stresses of a causal relationship anymore, no matter how much I like him. I deserve better, someone who is obsessed with me and wants to see me all the time and I need to stop wasting time throwing myself at someone who just is not that into me.

 

Anybody else have any shameful stories where they let a crush get the better of their sanity? I’d love to hear them to reassure me that I’m not alone in my slide into insanity!

XOXO

 

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